Chemo Day #2 1-27-09

Tuesday, January 27, 2009 Chemo Day #2

I awaken from a deep sleep, rub my eyes, automatically scratch my itchy head, surprised when fingers touch a soft hat instead of hair. I love these moments of precious oblivion! I am not sad when reality hits; rather I smile over the gift of forgetfulness, no longer berating myself for such absent-mindedness.

When reality comes, it comes with a tinge of apprehension, mixed with eagerness and determination. (Let’s get this over with, and say goodbye to more guinea pigs!) Today is Chemo Day. I will see Dr. DeGreen, oncologist, before chemo is started. Will I get to ask all my questions? Will they use my newly installed chest port, with fresh scar and black and blue skin? Since the tumor shrank so fast, will I be given the Ball Peen hammer instead of the Sledgehammer, or if I’m really lucky - Mini-Mite?

I sit by my window awaiting the sun rise, meditating, thinking positive, embracing the day and all it holds. I sip my coffee and eat with reverence, yes oat bran, power pudding, and miralax can be eaten with reverence, being wiser this time to get a jump start on the chemo induced clogging! I know this may be the last food I’ll enjoy without a sore mouth for awhile. And, I pray.

Loving Spirit thanks for comforting me with words from Psalm 67:

Abandoning ourselves into the
Heart of Love,
we need not worry or fret; for
Love’s grace abides wherever we are.
In Love let us make our home.

God of life, Breath of my breath, Christ within me, around me, above me and below me, I come with simple, but specific requests. If a child asks for bread, you will not give them a stone, if a fish, not a snake, so I ask for deep, healing sleep this week, for nourishment, for a ‘pinch off the daily loaf’, -which is manna and movement of manna through me- as my body recovers from chemo. I ask for endurance, patience, Presence, and healing. I ask for the ability to flow around obstacles rather than fight them, just as gently as water in my beloved farm brook flows around rocks and logs. Let me float in the warm water of Love, until I become one with the water.

I will envision the Spirit joining the chemo as it enters my body; together human healing and Divine healing will flow through me companioning, complimenting each other, healing me and protecting tender parts. It will be my second prayer for the day as I abandon myself, with gratitude, into Healing and Love.

Joyfully,
Sharon

Quotes:
I arise at dawn with a winged heart and give things for another day of loving.
-Kahlil Gibran

Isn’t it a splendid thing that there are mornings? - Anne of Green Gables

I thank you God for this most amazing day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and for a blue true dream of sky; and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes! - e.e. cummings