It’s official. I’m bald now, except for the prick of stubble Stephanie’s clippers left on my head. Jay cheerfully documented the clipping and I almost cried after looking at the digital photos. I did see square this time, maybe not a square head, but definitely a square jaw with more wrinkles than I thought I possessed. The image was a bit much and won’t be publicly shared. Not yet. I’m not THAT brave!
Just when I was starting to like my crew cut, my head began getting sore, waking me up at night, itchy and stinging. My hair was coming out with every shampoo and touch of a comb. It seemed logical to get rid of the hair and soak my head in anti-itch shampoo. I saved the teeny clumps this time. They all fit in a very small plastic container. What a sad, pathetic little pile of hair, like Stephanie clipped a mouse!
Except for black and blue skin over the newly installed mediport, an itchy scalp and a touch of sniffles and asthma, I’ve had a great week, happily visiting family, doing school work, house work, running errands, gratefully and thoroughly enjoying these good days, getting done what needs to be done before chemo on Tuesday. I must add another activity to the list: enjoying EATING again! I also had a follow-up with the GI doc this week. On exam, Dr Lazereth couldn't feel the tumor in my abdomen anymore. The first chemo did a good job! I'm not so afraid to eat and am enjoying salads, rice and beans, whole milks and yogurts. They all taste so extravagant, even decadent. I finally had that Christmas cookie I’ve been waiting for….a huge gluten-free gingerbread man dunked in hot water. Delicious!!
Judy took me to try on wigs at the American Cancer Society center the day after mediport surgery. I was allowed to pick three items. Free! Frugal that I am, even free didn't keep me from dreading the morning. The women at the center were so cheerful and positive; it wasn't as overwhelming as I expected. We had fun! We laughed hysterically at my face under a punk rocker ‘do’, black hair with spikes of blonde and red. After many tries and much laughter, I chose one brown haired wig and two hats. I still want to find a wig that is more my natural hair color: whitish, brownish, blondish. Should be easy with such an accurate description and with showing the wig shop stylist my mouse-sized container of hair bits!
I'm so grateful that I haven't caught any flu bugs, or stomach viruses. I'm grateful for the lovely weather this week, and all the walks in the great outdoors. I'm humbled and grateful for all the love and support of friends and family, even strangers! Cards, gifts, DVDs, meals and visits are still coming. My sisters and their daughters with my five little nieces, nephews and my sweet little grand daughter arrived for a visit yesterday. The kids played at my house. What a joy! Okay, there was a bit of a headache from all the bedlam, but the pleasure was worth the noise.
I do feel incredibly blessed! God is good and all is well in my world. I leave you with a poem I wrote after a brisk walk in our farm fields…
What is lovelier than deep green grasses
frozen in their lushness
against a wide expanse of crystal, luminous snow?
Than a warm, white barn, silver capped silos
against a pale blue sky reflecting the blush of setting sun?
What is bitterer than biting cold
chilling the fingers
invading scarves and hoods, thieving warmth?
Than wearing sunglasses from a beloved, confused
mother, who's oblivious to the transfer of ownership?
What is cozier than a dog curled,
tail around toes
in a fenced-in yard kissed by winter sunshine?
Than a brisk walk down the pasture after being cooped up indoors,
or the delightful song of a grand daughter on your phone?
What is messier than a dog yard strewn with
sleeping mats and soiled bedding straw?
Than depression, or grief, or storms, or the loss of a friend?
Than newly fallen snow pot marked with muddy boot prints,
or a pristine, white winter field spread with dank, smelly cow manure?
What is Alzheimer’s without unconditional love,
death without eternity,
cancer without soup, cards and laughter?
What is love without sacrifice, passion, bafflement, tenderness?
What is God without opulent expressions of created beings?
thank you, Sharon, for your poem and your story of Stephanie shaving your head. I am so glad that you have had a good week.
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