Thursday, March 21, 2013

Push Me Pull You
 
 
 
 
 
 
A few weeks ago I gave each of the puppies their first bone.  What took
place next fascinated me:
 
   Instantly smitten with a mixture of excitement and unsettledness, Hoss wants to chew his right next to Hemi, but Hemi is torn between hiding hers from Hoss and wanting to chew it near him.  She pushes the bone as far back in her mouth as she can until only the very tip is sticking out. I wonder if she is hiding it while deciding what to do!  She scrambles from room to room, from chair to chair, from one corner to the another, looking for a safe place, crying, whimpering.  The sound is pitiful. I want to rescue her, but curiosity keeps me waiting to see how this will play out. 
 
Hoss also wants the company of his sister.  He keeps getting up to follow her around.  Upon reaching her, he plops down to chew only to have her abandon him again.  He gives up and goes to the dog bed to chew in peace.  Hemi, not finding a safe place to chew and still be close to Hoss, sits sadly in the middle of the room and with bone stuffed in her mouth, lifts her head up and wails a long, muted, most pitiful howl.  She melts my heart; I have to rescue her.  I put her in the puppy play pen, plan to move Hoss and dog bed where she can see him.  As I slide brother, bone and bed toward Hemi, Hoss looks up at me completely baffled while Hemi, safe, yet close, immediately settles and chews.   I just have to laugh when Hoss gives me a 'whatever' shake of his puppy head and settles back into chewing.
 
   Isn't this so much like our own human conundrum with intimacy?  We want to be close, but not too close.  We want to share, but not always.  We want others to be vulnerable so it is safe for us to be vulnerable. We want someone to show us the way, someone to show they are trustworthy first. Instead of developing our own sense of inner trust, we look to the other to be the bridge builder.  When we feel small, we want someone bigger and more powerful to do our work for us.  We want to trust, but sometimes we can't.  And sometimes, we are simply clueless about what's going on. Don't we all long for a place to be safe?  Where we can be truly intimate emotionally-spiritually-physically? 
 
     After Hemi had more experiences of bones, and once I give her a chance to gnaw her bone alone and protected at first,  she is then able to chew right beside Hoss, even trade bones.  Isn't this also   like us?  We sometimes ask our children to share their toys before they have a chance to own them. They can't give and share what they don't own.  And, I know many women, myself included , who are tempted to give too much of themselves away before they have developed and/or continually nurture a strong sense of self. 
 
All of our experiences are okay.  We can be gentle with our own processes while discovering
that safety, sharing, and intimacy begin with 'me'.  Through prayer and meditation, through body awareness and intuition, through communion with nature and beauty and community, we find our center and find deepest trust.  I want to give from interior freedom, from a centering in my faith, from a well-developed and well-nurtured sense of self.  And have people around me who can hold me accountable, who can gently call my bluffs.
 
      With God's help, I want to keep doing my interior work,  dialogue with others who are willing to do theirs.  Together we can create real places of safety in this often troubling world
 
Joyfully,
Sharon
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 








Thursday, March 14, 2013




Loving My Life





I am in love with life.  My life.  It's lovely coming home to this.  I used to waste a lot of time comparing my life to others. And mine always seemed to come up short.  Comparisons are so draining!  My ego becomes more subtle about the comparisons so I need to stay awake. 

It can be humorous though, noticing my internal dialogue as I scan Facebook and other social media. She got another car??  They are on vacation again?  I will never get to the Canadian Rockies!    If I can be gentle with myself, it's easier to let go of the idea that my life isn't enough.  I want to embrace my life as it is, rather than be grouchy over what it isn't.  

Today, I'm starting a three day detox juice fast. I hope to detox my whole being, not just my body. Energize my soul.  Smell some roses. Paint something. Meditate longer. Celebrate my friends and family. Eliminate more wasteful thinking, some laziness, the comparisons that sneak in.  Stop myself from agreeing to do something while my body is saying:  com'on, say no. Doing that would not be fun or sustaining. 

Joyfully,
Sharon

                         "I am enough. I know enough. I do enough.  All fast enough."  Brenda Wade

Sunday, March 10, 2013





                        Color my Soul


Creator God, Sofia, Gaia, Mother,
color my soul in rich hues!
Paint me with contentment in earthy brown,
splash me with invigorating orange,
shower me in blue and green wonder like sea and sky,
flood me in precious chartreuse moments, and
bold pink laughter.

I am vibrant, alive with song!
Heart of my heart, help me reach
for intimacy with life itself,
celebrate my depths, embrace reality
with flung out arms, open hands.   

When I forget, hunched over and dull, sing
hope to me.  Fill my chest
with songs of lament, of joy, of
perseverance. And, I shall respond by
loving the ordinary. 

All the wondrous ordinary! Flashes of red, expanse
of sky, Mozart Symphony No 41,
fingernails!  Coffee, giggles, sunrise, clattering
chickens of Suk Shuglie. I shall notice and
honor each pump of wing, each small stirring of soul
and soft mammal.  I shall soften, rejoice. 



Like every other thing alive in spring, my juices are stirring.  Things are happening!  I am writing a book with my brother, Don.  A lovely book weaving theological reflections with stories about developing a mellower stance to life.  I can't wait to share it with all of you!  In the process of writing, I continue to mellow myself.  
 
I had an epiphany yesterday. I've been hiding my poetic nature, my artistic bent and I'm no longer going to do so. This is probably no surprise to any of you, and it isn't really to me either, but I I'm going to more fully embrace that part of me, bring it all home, hug-nourish-integrate it so it can pip, fledge, and take flight! 
 

 
 
 
  I am an artist who paints with words.
 
 
There, I said it aloud.
 
 
Breathe.     Open.      Dream.      Smile.   
 
Repeatedly I need to tell myself:  breathe deeply and smile all the way down to your liver.  Welcome home all parts of yourself.  Mellow, awaken, enliven!
 
 
I feel the need for a fresh start, so watch for a new blog. My spirit still sings, but in my desire to bring home my truest self, I need an infusion of color!  
 
 
Along with the Mellow Heart book I'm co-authoring with my brother Don, I'm helping collect meditations from staff and students at Kairos School of Spiritual Formation for a contemplative book.  In the dream phase yet:  a photo/poetry book with my daughter (yes, Stephanie?), a children's book about my dog Hutch ....AND a contemplative book of my very own  -
a Color My Soul sort of book.
 
So many dreams and projects!  Gulp. 
 
 
 Breathe deeply. 
 
 
  Smile,
                 
                       ....all
 
                                        the
 
                                                  way
 
                                                                        down...
 
 
 
Joyfully,
Sharon
 
 


Burren and Massey, my two favorite soft mammals.....







And one more red wing photo...