Tuesday, May 3, 2016

SPARROW KARMA


Spring moon over new place: Starry Meadow farm 


"Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could.
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good."   
         lyrics from the song “Something Good”


              
        When I was young, I gave my younger brother 5 cents for each sparrow nestling he turned over to me. Nestlings that my Dad paid him 5 cents to find, catch and kill. I got a playhouse full of hungry, baby sparrows to feed. And he got paid twice for each job.



       My brother grew up to be a fine businessman.  I grew up to be tolerant of sparrows. The number of sparrows I raised as a kid pales in comparison to the hundreds of sparrows that shared porch space, after I grew up and married. My husband and I lived in an old farm house embraced by ancient wisteria vine. Some years the wisteria was voluptuous and fragrant. 

brooklykn-stoop-wisteria-gardenista
Photograph by Nicole Franzen for Gardenista

100 year old Wisteria vine on farmhouse
of  Oregon View Farm


Many summers it was mostly a sparrow condominium, dripping whitewash and other dirt: dried grass, leaves, sticks and all the junk that house sparrows constantly drag in to repair their poorly constructed nests.



Whenever the farmer and I talked about chopping the wisteria down, it was either spring when lavender blossoms drenched the air with enough perfume to erase sparrow angst, or summer when green tendrils cradled all the nests.  I’d remember those pin- feathered orphans, mouths gaping at my every movement,



and I’d always say wait until next spring. 
Then we'll rid ourselves of this pestilence.  

I'd complain half the summer as I raked sparrow dirt from my flower beds and washed grit and bird droppings from windowsills.   


In my better moments, I'd sing.


     
"I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow....'   


              And for awhile I'd feel good about all the living, eating, pooping, chirping sparrows. 


Recently, we left that wisteria vine and moved to another farm in Singers Glen, VA. This new place is gorgeous in an open pasture, rolling hill, cedar siding house surrounded by woods kind of way. 

Fuchsia hanging on my porch now, rather than wisteria! 


Not like the manicured yards and beautiful flower gardens of Pennsylvania. 

My beloved trees and garden at Oregon View Farm 

And, amazingly, there are no house sparrows here. Moments of homesickness are eased by the delightful plethora of birds at my feeders after years of feeding mostly pigeons, doves and sparrows. We see cute chipping sparrows, song sparrows, sparrows of white throat and white crown, but not 
            one 
                       house sparrow!




Indigo Buntings at our feeder  
Every day brings
  elated discoveries of feather and song.  



Towhees, Indigo Buntings, Rose Breasted Grosbeaks, Goldfinches, Purple Finches, Flickers, 6 varieties of woodpeckers....  





We order the days by the number of times we grab camera or binoculars. 

Turkey strutting in our back meadow



What have I done to deserve all this wonder? 

Redheaded Woodpecker


I asked the farmer that question while we sat watching the sunset from our porch at the close of one glorious 20-binocular day. He grinned. We instantly remembered all the squawking, dirty sparrows of our former life. 

If this is bird karma, 

                payback for all the love I bestowed upon sparrows 

                             long ago, 

                              we'll take it!! 



Lilacs in background - Redheaded Woodpecker  

Redheaded Woodpecker 









Thursday, March 24, 2016

Brock Creek Wisdom








 Brock Creek Wisdom


As water trips and gurgles flowing

 around stones and twigs

ever coaxing new paths in

the midst of resistant places-

not forcing, just surrounding-

wooing, like a toddler’s sparkling eyes

right before saying something clever,

teasing away stubborn sands,

so may my soul journey be!




Monday, March 7, 2016

Return to the Land of Your Soul


Over the weekend, I returned to Kairos School of Spiritual Formation, for a silent retreat, held on the lovely grounds of the Jesuit Center in Wernersville, Pa. 


photo from Jesuit Center website


Twelve years ago, I arrived here as a student, eager, driven by spiritual longing I couldn't name, hoping for study, depth, friendship, even a vision quest. I experienced all, and so much
more! 



Five years later, I emerged transformed, soul afire, the red bird as my own token symbol of the Holy: a gentle reminder to turn towards what is life giving, embrace mystery and  transformation, know my self with kindness, and discovering connection and how everything somehow belongs. Here, with the deer in the meadows, bird song from every tree, the wide sky filled with stars, amid marble and stained glass of chapel, hallways filled with an equal measure of art and prayer, combined with the intimacy of soul friends, and loving guidance - this place always welcomes me home. 


Weeping Beech Tree at Jesuit Center- my sanctuary when the journey became too intense. Lovely, wise old tree that sheltered me, wept and laughed with me, invited me to climb into her lap like a child. 

Truck of Weeping Beech





farewell cairn 
Three more years of being on staff followed. This allowed me to guide others in their soul journey, to love students and retreatants with the same abundance of love I received here, and to forge deep soul connections across a wide network of instructors, retreatants, students, guides....all fellow pilgrims. 

Now, it's time for a gentle, sweet goodbye, not in a final way, in an 'end of an era' way. So I bless and thank, and carry this place with me as another symbol of safety, like God's womb in the midst of life's upheavals. 



Entrance to the labyrinth- white feathers symbolize the soul's migration-  like snow geese - coming home. 



labyrinth walk by candle light


Paper cranes, picked up from the center of the labyrinth, and written with prayers/hopes for soul and world,
and hung on ribbons around the room.  


I LOVE THIS SONG, shared by the retreat director this weekend, called Return Again. Where ever we wander, however far we stray from what gives us life and depth, we can always return again. I can return to the place of real shelter, the quiet place in my own center, where God abides. Where I am my deepest me, open, authentic, safe and free. 



Return Again


Return again. Return again.
Return to the land of your soul.
Return again. Return again.
Return to the land of your soul.
Return to who you are.
Return to what you are.
Return to where you are.
Born and reborn again.
Return again. Return again.
Return to the land of your soul.     by Shaina Noll 




With love, laughter, hugs, a little fire, a little wine, and a big-hearted impromptu ceremony, my friends and I celebrated our time together here, as friends, as staff, as soul pilgrims journeying together. Using John O'Donahue's poetry, we blessed my moving to a new state; we blessed my friend's new job position. Deep in the heart of this place, we sang and danced to the sound of a wood flute.  
                  And we left each other with this challenge from              
                           Christine Valters Paintner's book, 
                                                  The Soul of the Pilgrim, 

 "What would it be like to move through the world and, no matter where you found yourself, to recognize yourself as fully at home?








Wow, that is challenge! My body isn't always happy with changes of food and environment. Probably because I still make unfair demands of it, when away from home. I regress into old patterns of ignoring or disliking my sensitivities, my introversion and need for space, thus forcing myself to be with people and activities long after I'm drained of energy.  How lovely would it be to move into the world with compassion for myself as well as others, to be so completely authentic, free and self-caring, that I am home in my body and soul, anywhere my feet trod.

  
               Whatever culture I find myself in.


Where ever the coordinates of my place of residence. 



I shall pilgrim on ....always returning to the land of my soul



~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Wednesday, February 24, 2016

The Truth Is You Can Never Leave Home















Buildings are solid, but 'home' is fluid.  Home flows with the presence of our loved ones. Home is not a building or a place, even if a place remains full of family history, deep roots, tradition. 

Home is  soulful, fluid, expanding, loving, evolving.

 creek running through our new farm


Home is steaming cups of coffee, mellow tea, hot chocolate. It's love and laughter, rolling pretzels, 







competing against siblings and cousins to find the bell on the Christmas tree,






 playing dress up 



                     and hugging.  




     
COUSINS!  Photo by Krista at Higher Focus Studio





Home can be more than one place, because.....                  

   

old place: Oregon View Farm  - photo by Krista Stolzfus from Higher Focus Studio

Home is where the heart is! 


relaxing at our new place
    






 

We are leaving this home and moving to a new one. Yet neither place is truly home. Home is where hearts gather to celebrate holidays, birthdays, life ...mourn loss...support one another. Home is family, and beyond. Home is where the soul finds hope, love, and rest. Home is where we are loved, along with our gifts and flaws.  


You can never go home again, 

             but the truth is you can never leave 

                        home, so it’s all right!  Maya Angelou 



new farm in Virginia

scenery at our new farm in VA


Our family by the barn at the old place: Oregon View Farm    photo by Krista at Higher Focus Studio


Goodbye Oregon View Farm.  It's been lovely!!   HELLO VIRGINIA......





Thursday, February 18, 2016

Two Wings to Fly





Rumi quote:  "God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches you by means of opposites, so that you will have two wings to fly-not one."

In closing the farm homestead chapter of my life, I notice how I'd rather feel elation and hope, and not the opposites - overwhelm, exhaustion, despair. My conditioned-to-judge mind wants to label this experience as one way or the other: either it's 'wonderful- a fulfillment of dreams!' or it's 'wow, you are just not doing this well.' Don't our minds always search for peace by labeling? Peace just isn't found in labels. Minds also tell us stuff, disown, ignore our discomfort, wanting to protect us by not pushing our thoughts and emotions to our wilder edges...the very places that need stretching in order to grow or heal. 

I find that I need to sit in silence, in meditation, 
purposely holding the tension of desolation and
elation in my body and mind. It feels like being 
near Ireland's cliffs feeling both the thrill and fear of losing my balance. 

Through staying with my discomfort, even explore my inner edges, I learn how to find equilibrium in the midst of discomfort. I learn to know myself, to know my mind can survive, my soul can find beauty, even when things are out of my control. I don't have to 'like' circumstances, or even feel happy to know peace.

My musings this morning come after reading a chapter in Christine Valters Paintner's book: The Soul of a Pilgrim. And I offer you another beautiful writing, a paraphrase of Psalm 6, by Nan Merrill in her book: Psalms for Praying.
          
                                                             Psalm 6   

O my Beloved, 
continue to enfold me with your love;
Be gracious to me, Heart of my heart,
for I am sad and weary.
Surround me with your healing Light,
that my body, mind, and soul might heal.
How long must I wait, O Love?

I open the door of my heart to You,
my Beloved,
Enter in and imbue me with your steadfast Love.
I shall remember You all my days;
I shall sing praises to You throughout the nights.

I am tired of so many fears;
I cry myself to sleep at night;
grief and feelings of guilt
bedim my eyes with tears;
All my doubts, my fears, are creating walls
so that I know not love.

Depart from me,
you enemies of wholeness,
for the Beloved is aware of my cry;
Love has heard my prayer;
and hastens to answer my call.
Though my fears are running for cover,
yet they shall be transformed
by Love;
All that was in darkness shall come
into the Light. And I will know peace.