Two Wings to Fly

Rumi quote:  "God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches you by means of opposites, so that you will have two wings to fly-not one."

In closing the farm homestead chapter of my life, I notice how I'd rather feel elation and hope, and not the opposites - overwhelm, exhaustion, despair. My conditioned-to-judge mind wants to label this experience as one way or the other: either it's 'wonderful- a fulfillment of dreams!' or it's 'wow, you are just not doing this well.' Don't our minds always search for peace by labeling? Peace just isn't found in labels. Minds also tell us stuff, disown, ignore our discomfort, wanting to protect us by not pushing our thoughts and emotions to our wilder edges...the very places that need stretching in order to grow or heal. 

I find that I need to sit in silence, in meditation, 

purposely holding the tension of desolation and

elation in my body and mind. It feels like being 

near Ireland's cliffs feeling both the thrill and fear of losing my balance. 

Through staying with my discomfort, even explore my inner edges, I learn how to find equilibrium in the midst of discomfort. I learn to know myself, to know my mind can survive, my soul can find beauty, even when things are out of my control. I don't have to 'like' circumstances, or even feel happy to know peace.

My musings this morning come after reading a chapter in Christine Valters Paintner's book: The Soul of a Pilgrim. And I offer you another beautiful writing, a paraphrase of Psalm 6, by Nan Merrill in her book: Psalms for Praying.

          

                                                             Psalm 6   

O my Beloved, 

continue to enfold me with your love;

Be gracious to me, Heart of my heart,

for I am sad and weary.

Surround me with your healing Light,

that my body, mind, and soul might heal.

How long must I wait, O Love?

I open the door of my heart to You,

my Beloved,

Enter in and imbue me with your steadfast Love.

I shall remember You all my days;

I shall sing praises to You throughout the nights.

I am tired of so many fears;

I cry myself to sleep at night;

grief and feelings of guilt

bedim my eyes with tears;

All my doubts, my fears, are creating walls

so that I know not love.

Depart from me,

you enemies of wholeness,

for the Beloved is aware of my cry;

Love has heard my prayer;

and hastens to answer my call.

Though my fears are running for cover,

yet they shall be transformed

by Love;

All that was in darkness shall come

into the Light. And I will know peace.