It’s been a long, dark
winter. The farmer and I are walking
mindfully, yet with sustained effort through our transitions: the uprooting move, the death of his brother, his heart surgery with all the reflecting and
recovering that comes with such experiences, the medical bills and sorting
out of insurance claims.
My psyche and soul are still navigating the past election cycle with all the division, fear and negativity,
especially the unleashing of hate and disrespect towards women, Jews, Muslims and
people of color. Add the uncertainty of climate change to the holding of my own whiteness, femaleness, while knowing I can never understand completely what women of
color are experiencing.
Unsettling.
Perhaps it’s
been a long dark winter for you too.
If I were writing a book,
this chapter would be called The Dark Night of the Soul. So much has become obscure for me, not hopeless or joyless, rather complicated and unclear. I hold this too, and mostly trust the process.
Sometimes begrudgingly, yet I find comfort trusting the Mystery when redbirds and deer sightings bring no
consolation.
If I were painting, I’d paint my soul a sapphire blue pot being stirred by Divine Fire. As Bruce, from the Virginia Department
of Forestry said while gesturing toward the straw-like patches of dried
Japanese Stiltgrass in our back meadow, “What this place needs is a controlled burn.
You’d be surprised at all the new growth.” I instantly thought of my soul.
Sure, fire burns chaff and hallelujah for new growth, but the burning feels hot and wild.
Like erasure and emptiness.
That said, I play with
haikus and feel my barrenness easing slightly. At the end of winter, after the burn, the soul opens like warm earth receiving and releasing hardened seeds.
Orchid
Light a candle.
Kneel. Pray for union, peace, love.
Trust the blossoming.
Farmer's Valentine Day gift to me, bird bath/fountain made from our old farmhouse pump and trough |
Thirst
Invite all thirsty souls come.
Huddle. Drink. Quench!
Deepest Joy
CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=174698 flowers of Ailanthus altissima |
Trees of Heaven, Ailanthus,
not a glory, invasive.
Another hostile takeover,
needing removal.
Like the undesirables
rooting in my depths.
Yet, stands a grandchild,
arms stretched, “Here, I feel so
free!”
My soul holds space for joy.
Photo by son, Ryan Landis, taken the same weekend our grand daughter so grandly expressed her freedom when ever she's at our place. Since I'm taking a break from Facebook for awhile, I appreciate comments here as well as Facebook |
I too, have been in a state of transition, felt the heat of the burn, tentatively waiting for the new growth.
ReplyDeleteBlessings as you wait, hold, come to the water.
ReplyDeleteYes, so hard to wait in the dark...ans I can't pretend to know what your darkness is. But I think it's fair to say that following darkness or "a winter", a "period of dormancy", we can expect something new to emerge. Peace.
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree. Thank you for the reminder, for offering hope.
ReplyDelete