Savoring the Spirit of  

         Christmas

Christmas has come and gone.  Beautiful people from Newtown, CT are sadly gone too; people who never got to celebrate Christmas in 2012.  My acts of kindness done to honor their birth, their lives, their hopes and dreams are all completed.

Since the spirit of Christmas parallels giving and loving, I’ve decided my final 'act' will be keeping my little Christmas tree up all year as a reminder to keep loving.   I may ‘plant’ the tree in a box of sand, decorate it with shells and sand dollars over the summer, but the tree itself and the tiny white lights will be my reminder to be kind.  And cherish life.  Life is short; we have so little control, so why not  love?  And savor life!  Mine, yours, ours. 

People ask me if I feel different having done this?  Absolutely! I’ve expanded in soul and capacity to love. I have a greater awareness of the issues surrounding this particular act of violence, and violence in general.

I discovered all kinds of responses to Sandy Hook: love and forgiveness alongside mean-spiritedness and outrage.  Anger is thrown around with pleas for lessening gun violence. Conspiracy theories dismiss the violence as a hoax, a government plot to limit guns and control Americans. Such comments are posted on the same page as precious memorial photos of happy children, their distraught families, and prayers of comfort from friends and strangers.  As Mr. Rogers advises children to look for the helpers in times of trouble, I'm learning to follow the love when I feel despairing and helpless.

My initial response to the tragedy in Newtown was immediate, visceral, and deep. Like an anguished howl that starts in the gut, an ululation rending the quiet, a collective cry of human despair erupting suddenly and without restraint.  Usually I guard against becoming overwhelmed by suffering and thus take regular breaks from the news.  When the Sandy Hook news broke, something in me broke too, perhaps the wall that separates me from ‘other’.  I do not claim to know what it’s like to lose a child or anyone from an act of violence, but I am beginning to know unity, that which happens to another happens to all of us on some level.   

I needed reassurance that love is stronger than fear, desperation, hate and violence. I needed to find and follow love and kindness.

So I eagerly accepted Ann Curry’s invitation to do 26 acts of kindness in honor of the victims.  I also knew I would do 28.  Just as I felt collective anguish over this senseless tragedy, I experienced joy, innocence, hope, beauty and inspiration though getting to know, even a tiny bit, these delightful children and the teachers that died protecting them.  I was and still am inspired by following their stories, their memorial pages, and the outpouring of love from others doing similar acts of kindness or just posting comforting words.

My life is so much richer. My capacity to hold and experience love, hope and joy is equal to my capacity to hold and experience empathy, compassion and suffering.

Each victim’s name is all our names. Each precious face is my face and yours. I know of no other fitting tribute than to keep on being kind and following love!  

Joyfully,

Sharon

For those who requested a complete list of all 28 acts of kindness, this is for you:

1. Kindness in memory of Charlotte Bacon, 6yrs old: I allowed Massey to sit at the table and 'supervise' the farmer opening mail. I usually make the dog get away from the table. I wish I would have known if dear little Charlotte liked dogs, but even if she didn't, she might have smiled over a dog sitting at the table.

 2. Kindness in memory of Grace McDonnell, 7yrs old: We paid someone's bill at the garage. Thinking of you sweet little Grace. My heart breaks for your family, knowing how much my extended family loves our own little Grace. My monetary sacrifice is nothing compared to your family's loss. I'm comforted knowing you are now wrapped in perfect Love.

3. In loving memory of Daniel Barden, 7yrs, I picked up trash (including other people's dogs' poo) along a nature trail. I looked up your picture Daniel; you are a beautiful child! I wish I could have done something more heroic in honor of your wanting to be a firefighter but at the moment my heart just wanted to pick up the mess before me. My hands didn't want to, actually; my mind fought a tiny tug of war with my heart. I could have walked on, complete with indignation over other people's grossness, but as I knelt down, I thought of all families with little ones who skip down this trail. Keeping their little shoes from stepping in waste was kindness enough.

4. In loving memory of Rachel Davino, 29yrs old, I send a package to a hospitalized friend and her dog that misses her. What a beautiful smile you have, Rachel! The world is breathless over the gift you gave - your very life to protect the children. I heard your chocolate lab keeps looking for you; I'm glad I sent my friend's dog some cookies as he waits for her to come home. Saying many prayers for your fiancé, your family, and the dog that misses you.

 5. You are adorable Olivia! I love the photo of you practicing for the Christmas play. The shiny gold star you are holding, and your bright angel wings, matches your radiant smile. Giving this small gift in your honor made me very happy! I held that happiness in my heart right beside the sorrow I feel for your family who misses you. I pray they feel your bright spirit with them always. I bet you are showing off in heaven -beating real wings and playing with real stars.  (my gift: I cut out a star and pasted a note on it that I was paying for another person's movie ticket)

 6. In loving memory of Josephine Gay, 7yrs old, I hugged someone this morning and put some new Barbie doll clothes in the doll accessories bin I have for my granddaughters. Josephine, I know you loved hugs and Barbie dolls. Your parents shared that you couldn’t speak, but wow, your eyes must have spoken volumes - they are so sparkly in your photos! I pray your family receives some small comfort by all the acts of kindness done in your honor. And, that they listen closely - you may be able to speak to them now if they listen with the ears of their soul.

7.  In honor of Ana M. Marquez-Greene, 6yrs old, who loved singing, writing notes to put under parent's pillows, and Bible verses, I hid 3 notes with prizes in 3 different stores thanking workers who stock store shelves. Included in the note- 1 verse from Deut 30 (…choose life!) and one prayer: In honor of Ana, may you be awakened to the joy. Celebrate your life! Seek joy each day; look anywhere and everywhere.   Ana, your voice is exquisite! Thanks for sharing it with so many in your six glorious years of life.

8. In loving memory of Catherine Hubbbard, 6yrs old, who loved animals, I donated a bag of cat food to a farm with cats and stocked some bird feeders in the neighborhood. Catherine, as a fellow animal lover, I love your compassion for furry and cuddly creatures. Your sweet smile and gorgeous red hair is surely making heaven a lot brighter. I pray for your family as they grieve not having you with them. I hope to foster more puppies in your honor too and thus fill this world with a little more brightness and love.

9. Dylan Christopher Jack Hockley loved purple. I'm wearing purple right now, Dylan, in your honor. Words and tears can't really express my emotions as I read about you Dylan and fell in love with your story. You were such a joy to those that knew you and whatever form your little spirit is in, I'm sure you are still full of joy! I felt freshly sickened last night over the loss of innocent lives such as yours, perhaps because I spent the day laughing, hugging, kissing and interacting with my precious grandchildren...one is 5yrs old, only a year younger than you. You died in the arms of a beloved teacher; I too, want to be a safe haven in this world. That will be my ongoing act of kindness in your honor. I will keep opening my heart to others in empathy, kindness, reverence as I listen deeply to their stories.

10. In loving memory of Mary Sherlach, 56 yrs., school psychologist who relished helping children overcome their problems, I donated money to the Maryland Special Olympics. May your love of helping children live on Mary, in many acts of kindness done in your name.

 11. In loving memory of Jessica Rekos, 6 yrs old, I sent love letters to my two granddaughters.  Jessica, I loved reading how you loved hiding notes around the house for your family members to find. I smiled reading that your mom found a new love letter from you after you died. Wow, do you have any idea how much joy that brought your family? I'm betting you do! What a sweetheart you are. I feel chagrined knowing twice my 5yr old granddaughter wanted to send a letter to someone in my household and twice I fooled her into thinking I used real stamps and put them in the real mailbox. So in your honor, Jessica, I used double stamps when sending the letters to my darling granddaughters. Love is not frugal but extravagant!

12. In loving memory of Dawn Hochsprung, 47, full of life, a hero in death, I am spending time today praying for women in Syria as a prominent Saudi cleric has issued a fatwa (a religious ordinance) that calls for the gang rape of Syrian women 14 and older. When I feel helpless to make a change in the world, when I lament my inability to work actively toward social justice, I will remember you Dawn. You simply lived your calling, gave your heart, and gave your life to protect the innocent. There is no better way to live. I am not powerless when I sit on my meditation cushion, send love and healing into this world, or prayerfully stand in solidarity with those who suffer. I really do believe Love wins. In your honor Dawn, and in honor of women and children everywhere, I join those covering Syrian women in a prayer field. I can only hope this prayer field helps evolve the men too; my heart also breaks for such misguided men.

13. In loving memory of Chase Kowalski, 7yrs old, I shared the goodies in our CSA box. Full of ruffled spinach, colorful chard, carrots, potatoes and other such life giving vegetables, opening the box and discovering what's inside is like opening a Christmas gift every week. For me anyway! If you were a typical boy, you probably didn't like veggies that much. Still, it sounds like you were as full of life as my box of nutritious garden food. Perhaps if you played baseball, biked, and finished a triathlon you were a healthy eater! It's hard to believe a small boy accomplished so much, even harder to realize you are gone from this world already. Thank you for your energy, your enthusiasm for life. You lived well, young Chase, and you will not be forgotten.

 14. In loving memory of Madeleine F. Hsu, 6 yrs, I gave my dogs fresh chicken for dinner and donated dog food to the Pet Pantry of Lancaster County. Madeleine, it's been a privilege getting to know a tiny bit about the sparkly girl you were. Your neighbor said you were shy but your eyes always lit up when you saw the neighbor's dog as you got off the school bus. A neighbor also mentioned how you helped the dog's owner, little Logan, not be afraid to go to school. My heart breaks at the irony of this; I promise to pray for Logan and those who will need to tell him at some point what happened to you. I love looking at all your pictures ...you were and still are beautiful, inside and out. I'm comforted knowing no one can ever hurt you again. Hugs to you sweet child.

 15. In honor of Jack Pinto, 6, I gave a small bag of toys and an invitation to be a kid again and play, to a person on the cleaning crew at Penn Cinema, with a tip, a thank you note.   "28acts of kindness: In loving memory of Jack Pinto, 6, who loved baseball, wrestling, skiing and basketball!" Giants wide receiver Victor Cruz visited the family of Pinto on Dec. 18.  Pinto, who idolized Cruz, was buried in his favorite player’s jersey.

16. In loving memory of Allison Wyatt, 6, who often surprised others with acts of kindness, I tried to spread kindness around today. Allison, the world is a lot darker since your shining smile, art-making, and sweet nature are gone. I wonder about the art work you might have done as you grew up and mourn the loss of you and your love of beauty. In your honor, I cashed in my stash of coins to purchase flowers for my studio so my clients can have a brighter, more colorful hour with me. I chatted with a lonely women in the parking lot of Giant (something I seldom do) didn't cough in public (not easy!), sanitized my hands every 15min not wanting to spread any lingering germs, bought potatoes and bread for my daughter at Roots Farmers' market and allowed a young mom with kids to have a parking space close to the buildings. Praying for your family, Allison...may they find beauty and color in surprising places and thus know your spirit lives on.

17. In loving memory of Caroline Previdi, age 6, who was such a giving child, I put a couple dollars in an envelope and taped it to the blockbuster box at Sheetz. Caroline, you'd laugh if you saw me squirm when I got 'caught' by the box attendant. We chatted and I told her about you. She left the envelope there. You are such a sweetheart breaking your piggy bank last year to buy toys for needy kids. Only five then, and already you are more kind than a lot of adults. I heard you wanted a camera for Christmas so you could take photos of everyone; perhaps now you can really 'see' those you love and inspire them with loving kindness spirit to spirit! Love your happy bouncy-kid face on your photo - rest in peace sweet little angel.

18. In loving memory of Emilie Parker, 6, who loved the simple things in life, I made a delicious mint- parsley- cucumber-fresh pineapple-banana-coconut water smoothie and shared it with a friend. Emilie, you are precious! Everyone says what a delightful child you were. You loved teaching your sisters how to read and dance, and they came to you for hugs and kisses if they fell down. You remind me of my granddaughter, who also loves ballet dancing and being a big sister. You have inspired many to be joyful and loving too. My mom would have called you a 'doll baby' - that was her term of endearment for all sparkling, beautiful babies and children. I know your family is finding joy from having you for those 6 precious years, just as your memory and spirit is surely spreading joy even now. Whenever I see pink, I will remember you and pray for your family.

19. In loving memory of James Mattioli, 6, who loved life and singing at the top of his lungs, I played my favorite song really loud in the car on the way to the park. I got up grouchy this morning, James. I didn't really feel like doing an act of kindness or reading about the lives lost at Newtown. When I stumbled upon your name, I knew you had a message for me. You were so full of life, loved singing, cuddling with your mom, eating, and being outside. Wow, all my favs too! You often said to your mom, "I need to go outside; I need fresh air." I feel the same way James, so in your honor, I took a walk by my favorite creek, then went to the kid's playground where I hid a small jar with coins inside. And notes that said "Love life! Sing loudly! I'm grateful for the 6 years of James Mattioli's life. God bless all dear children- humanity's greatest teachers." I put the jar under a sliding board where a child will find money for his or her piggy bank. After a walk and a kindness, I feel happy!

 20. In loving memory of Benjamin Wheeler, 6, I sent a beautiful, hand decorated card to a random person at the retirement home near me. I included a sheet of 'mail a smile' forever postage stamps. I wanted to find Beatles stamps since you liked them so much, Benjamin, but I had to settle for Disney stamps. I wished the receiver of the card a happy day, and invited them to hug their grandchild if they have one and send a card using kid friendly stamps, and/or smile at a child in the store next time they are out. Benjamin, I wish I would have known you because you sound like a great kid! Love what your family says: you were an irrepressibly bright and spirited boy whose love of fun and excitement at the wonders of life and the world could rarely be contained. My running friends would admire how you ran on the soccer field long after the others quit; I like your love of swimming, piano music and wonder. People don't pause to wonder at things enough. I'm so sorry you are no longer with us, Benjamin, but I will take your spirit with me whenever I go swimming and I promise to keep alive my sense of wonder.

21. In loving memory of Noah Pozner, 6, youngest child slain at Newtown, I put a surprise for the farmers in the empty CSA box I returned. Noah, you were so young, yet quite a charming young man. I can’t imagine your family's loss, or how much your twin sister misses you. Your aunt said memories of you bring comfort to your family. She said you would want everyone to be happy. So I dedicate my smile inducing surprise-in-the-box to you, Noah. I sure hope the organic chocolate bars, a box of herbal tea and a note of thanks to the farmers for their hard work brought some smiles, some happiness. I will keep doing these kindnesses Noah, and I will remember you and your family. You were so loved, so loving and now you are surrounded by perfect Love.

22. 23. Nancy and Adam Lanza    My Jan 10, 2013 blog was in memory of Nancy and Adam.  Here is a brief summary on kindnesses done:  1. After educating myself on all sides of the gun issue I wrote letters to our president and my local government representatives. I am not very political and seldom write such letters. 2. My husband and I locked up the 22 rifle, safe from grandchildren and made sure the shells/bullets for all the guns are stored in a different location. 3. I sent a copy of the book Real Boys to a mother with a new son. I will keep giving this book as a baby gift and will promote it as often as I am able. Our society is failing boys at an alarming rate. This is one way I take responsibility to do something, anything to help

24.25. 26. In loving memory of three exceptional teacher heroes, Anne Marie Murphy, Victoria Soto, and Lauren Rousseau, who gave their lives protecting the innocent, I am considering getting involved in North Star Initiative, an organization dedicated to the restoration of victims of human trafficking through the development of a restoration home that will address the holistic needs of survivors of sex trafficking. Anne, Victoria, Lauren, I confess to wanting to do something big in honor of your life and sacrifice, perhaps volunteer and sign up for the "Intervene" training, but I’m just not ready yet. It’s taken days to gain some clarity on this. I don’t want to act out of do-gooder passion or even a hint of egoic need to look good or fix the world. It is enough to notice my interest. (Much human trafficking is happening in the heart of conservative Pennsylvania!) Perhaps I will write about trafficking through stories and information pieces, perhaps I’ll donate money or time once the house is done and populated. The only kindness I can promise is to keep noticing this desire to be involved and ask for clarity, love, wisdom, and God’s guidance.

27. In loving memory of Jesse Lewis who grew up on a farm, loved animals and horses, I walked around our farm today with gratefulness, fed my daughter's horses and goats some of my home grown carrots, and fed the chickens some sunflower seeds. I also transported a house spider to the barn instead of killing it. And for my dogs, I bought them a treat puzzle (which they both figured out in about 10seconds, shucks), and am working on teaching my dogs more tricks to relieve them of winter boredom. Jesse, I'm astounded that you tried to lead five of your classmates to safety; you took action rather than staying hidden in the closet. My heart breaks for your family as I'm sure they are both proud of your bravery and wish you would have stayed put. I'm glad your dad finds some comfort knowing you are the kind of person, at age 6, who chooses action and protecting others over personal safety. Your loving, yet courageous life, inspires me.

28. In loving memory of Avielle Richman, 6, I surprised a friend with Dove candy, and bought another friend a pair of handmade earrings from iSanctuary made by survivors of human trafficking. Avielle, you were quite the little darling, with as many smiles as curls in your hair; how your family & friends must miss you! I wonder if your family affectionately called you 'Avi' as I do my granddaughter, Avery. The similarity of age and name made reading about your life especially poignant. Along with honoring your passion for friendship, I decided to do something with your favorite color- red. I donated red-labeled food items to a community collection of food for Meals on Wheels clients that have high medicals bills. As I picked each item off the store shelf, I prayed healing for your family. May they always remember your sunny disposition, and may their memories be as bright as the pink and red you loved.