The Stirring is Enough

It’s one of those achingly beautiful days. 

I can’t settle to work indoors, though the house could use some attention. I can’t keep weeding the garden either; my back and turning pink skin need a break. I’d lie on a blanket outside and stare at the clouds but if I lay in the dog yard, the dogs will jump on me and if I lay outside the yard they’ll yip to join me. I’d rather not interrupt their quiet as they are gloriously stretched out in the yard soaking up the rays.

So here I sit, laptop open, taking my break, pondering thoughts the movie from last night opened in me. I went to see The Fault in Our Stars with my daughters. In my youth, I've asked pointless questions such as what is the reason for it all, what is the grand scheme of everything in life, why the heck am I here? Occasionally my mind still churns with those unanswerables, or circles around other ones, like why did I survive cancer when others did not?

Since gaining some age and perspective, I’m better at letting go of the questions and just experiencing ‘the feels’ as John Green, author of the book Fault in Our Stars, likes to say. Sometimes, I am stirred in my depths, by stories, by life happenings and will never understand what has been rearranged, healed, or remembered. That's okay, the stirring is enough.

Back to the movie....I smiled when Augustus mentioned wanting to make a difference in the world. I have felt that too. I cried when Hazel, his girlfriend, expressed sorrow that he didn't see his love for her as making a difference and that changing her life wasn't heroic enough. I cried because I've felt pressure to make a difference too.

The concept of being or doing enough is difficult for most of us. For instance I can easily fall into a restless longing to see more ….and what I long for always seems over THERE somewhere ….in the Grand Canyon, or the Alps, or a new garden or walking path. Yet, my own garden constantly throws surprises and gorgeous color my way.  

This morning I waited impatiently when stopped at a traffic light, staring at my fingers drumming on the steering wheel and feeling ridiculously irritated at all the cars on the road. Then I glanced out the window and saw vibrant pink petunias rising from the cracks in the sidewalk in front of an old stone restaurant. My eyes unexpectedly filled with tears. I knew those triumphant blooms were going to be weeded or sprayed with herbicide. I knew their efforts would be short lived, since they were growing wild below newly planted container gardens.

My tears were not in condemnation of container gardens or weeding.....

....the tears were my soul’s acknowledgement that yes, the story of Hazel and Augustus touched me. Life is so often cut short by uncontrollable happenings, predators, illness, violence, accidents. Yet, petunias will always grow toward the sun, unconcerned about struggle or the length of their lives; they simply do what is theirs to do: bloom a lot or a little, quietly or brilliantly. And that is enough.

Life is short. Love wins. No matter how long we live or love, no matter what we do or accomplish, know or don't know, we are always enough. 

Joyfully,

Sharon