Of Bathrooms, Fear and Social Media

Of Bathrooms, Fear and Social Media

I’ve been reading all the posts. Reading about your fears, the things you've shared on social media, reading what other writers write. I've read almost everything someone has taken time to share, whether or not I think I'll agree. 

I find the survivor stories heart breaking -

"A Rape Survivor Speaks Out About Transgender Bathrooms" by Kelly Triller   http://thefederalist.com/2015/11/23/a-rape-survivor-speaks-out-about-transgender-bathrooms/

"The Unintended Victims of Bathroom Bills and Locker Room Policies"    

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=share&v=tg-MAMvkplE&app=desktop

I'm grateful to those who've shared these stories.  

I'm also aware how fear drives people. Drives our whole country. Drives our religions and belief systems. Everyone is afraid. Everyone reacts out of fear more than from deeper reflection. Myself included. Strong reactions are my invitation to reflect and on what underlying fear might be triggering me. I ask myself if my reaction is helpful in solving the problem, in creating solutions to the problem, in understanding the issue, or if it's simply feeding fear. My fear or the collective fear.

   

Just as stories of the rape and abuse of women and children are heartbreaking, so are the stories of bullying, shaming and abuse of people in the LGBT community.  I find it odd that not many of the latter are shared. Perhaps that speaks more to my sheltered existence, my social media friend list and less to the actual statistics.

And, yet, I have loved ones in every category: straight, gay, transgendered, conservative, liberal, those who have been abused, those who have not, young, old, religious, not religious, spiritual, and people who don't readily fit any category. 

I listen deeply, and care deeply because I love each one.  

My personality, the way I’m put together helps me see many sides to an issue. Seeing for me is not always cognitive, as I dislike debating and often can’t articulate how I see. I just I feel compassion towards the humans, their experiences and emotions, on many sides of an issue. I seldom see an issue as simple or clearly black and white; rather I see, feel and sense the many complications, the webs of questions, ethics and misunderstandings within and surrounding an issue. Perhaps this helps me walk more courageously into gray areas as I sense first, think/judge later.   

Sometimes this keeps me silent, as I often agree with different sides of opposing views and opinions. I am strongly moved by stories on all sides, so I hesitate, not wanting to form a belief or opinion until I gather information and understand as much as possible. Not wanting to speak too soon. 

I like being able to empathize. I like knowing that often times better solutions arise when people seek creative, loving, all-inclusive, non-violent answers to problems. I want to be in the pool of innovative, visionary people. Yet, I often wish I could act quicker, take a stand sooner, speak up with boldness.  

So I  will give voice to this: though I can’t wipe away the fear that drives many conversations, I can hear and articulate what everyone wants. Everyone wants to feel safe, and keep their loved ones safe.  Everyone.  All of the people, in all of the categories want the same thing. 

Every living thing is vulnerable. To be alive means we must dance on the edge of accidents, disaster and trauma, live with the drama of predator and prey, all of which feeds our fears and our black and white thinking. Nothing changes this. No rule, law or fortification can prevent all danger. Only our courage, ability to love, the development of faith, strong family/community units and spiritual practices can help us deal with living well amid the knowledge of our fears, insecurities and human frailty.  

Answers to problems seldom, if ever, come from demanding perfection in our governing bodies or policies. The answers may be gleaned from sorting through the hard questions. From opening our hearts, and minds, and eyes. We must keep working at understanding our deeply rooted fears and prejudices. We must educate ourselves on statistics that prove the danger is more often in your own home, or school, or church, from a family member or a friend’s uncle or an authority figure grooming our children for abuse, than from a stranger, a transgender, or another person in a bathroom. It's no wonder we fear. And jump to conclusions, or misunderstandings. Who wants to believe the statistics? 

I've decided put a few of the social media 'shares' that touched me this month, on this blog, about the bathroom issue. You will probably intuit my leanings through what has touched me. Still, I want you to know, I wrestle with all this. With understanding what is really being said and hoped for by our government. Who needs the most protection, who is the most vulnerable? What fears are legitimate and what fears are sincere but, uninformed reactions. I hope these links, these stories and thoughts will challenge you, frustrate you, inspire you. I hope we continue to wrestle. From our honest, soul wrestling comes creative, honest soulful solutions. 

Please keep being wise and cautious. Keep thinking; keep sharing.  Live well, and don’t allow fear rule your life and heart. Stay educated. Have opinions. Use your voice. At the same time, I beg you to listen deeply to people on the other sides of your opinions. This could be your new spiritual practice. Doing so allows some time and space for reflection before deciding, before hitting the  'share' button. Reflection, rather than reaction, is better. Reflecting helps one hear their own heart, know their fears and stuck places, and thus discern what the Spirit's invitation might be in any issue. Usually that invitation involves greater loving and less fearing. 

Here’s another perspective on the subject.  "Why Keeping Bad Guys Out of Girls Bathrooms Isn't What's Going On Here"  by John Pavlovitz 

http://johnpavlovitz.com/2016/04/18/guys-girls-bathrooms-isnt-whats-going/?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=facebook_page&utm_medium=John+Pavlovitz

And I’ll close with one more- "What I Want You to Know About Being a Sexual Abuse Survivor and Target Shopper."   

http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2016/05/what-i-want-you-to-know-about-being_16.html#ixzz48vz9xVJy

This is in no way an unbiased compilation. It's not even a good compilation, or a fair one giving voice to all the sides. It's just a few that have touched me. Sharing is my way offering compassion, of standing with an open heart to this very real issue. 

God help us. Christ be with us. Spirit guide us. 

With love and honor to all,

Sharon

SPARROW KARMA

Spring moon over new place: Starry Meadow farm 

"Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could.
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good."   

         lyrics from the song “Something Good”

              

        When I was young, I gave my younger brother 5 cents for each sparrow nestling he turned over to me. Nestlings that my Dad paid him 5 cents to find, catch and kill. I got a playhouse full of hungry, baby sparrows to feed. And he got paid twice for each job.

       My brother grew up to be a fine businessman.  I grew up to be tolerant of sparrows. The number of sparrows I raised as a kid pales in comparison to the hundreds of sparrows that shared porch space, after I grew up and married. My husband and I lived in an old farm house embraced by ancient wisteria vine. Some years the wisteria was voluptuous and fragrant. 

Photograph by Nicole Franzen for Gardenista

100 year old Wisteria vine on farmhouse
of  Oregon View Farm

Many summers it was mostly a sparrow condominium, dripping whitewash and other dirt: dried grass, leaves, sticks and all the junk that house sparrows constantly drag in to repair their poorly constructed nests.

Whenever the farmer and I talked about chopping the wisteria down, it was either spring when lavender blossoms drenched the air with enough perfume to erase sparrow angst, or summer when green tendrils cradled all the nests.  I’d remember those pin- feathered orphans, mouths gaping at my every movement,

and I’d always say wait until next spring. 
Then we'll rid ourselves of this pestilence.  

I'd complain half the summer as I raked sparrow dirt from my flower beds and washed grit and bird droppings from windowsills.   

In my better moments, I'd sing.

     

"I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free

His eye is on the sparrow....'   

              And for awhile I'd feel good about all the living, eating, pooping, chirping sparrows. 

Recently, we left that wisteria vine and moved to another farm in Singers Glen, VA. This new place is gorgeous in an open pasture, rolling hill, cedar siding house surrounded by woods kind of way. 

Fuchsia hanging on my porch now, rather than wisteria! 

Not like the manicured yards and beautiful flower gardens of Pennsylvania. 

My beloved trees and garden at Oregon View Farm 

And, amazingly, there are no house sparrows here. Moments of homesickness are eased by the delightful plethora of birds at my feeders after years of feeding mostly pigeons, doves and sparrows. We see cute chipping sparrows, song sparrows, sparrows of white throat and white crown, but not 

            one 

                       house sparrow!

Indigo Buntings at our feeder  

Every day brings

  elated discoveries of feather and song.  

Towhees, Indigo Buntings, Rose Breasted Grosbeaks, Goldfinches, Purple Finches, Flickers, 6 varieties of woodpeckers....  

We order the days by the number of times we grab camera or binoculars. 

Turkey strutting in our back meadow

What have I done to deserve all this wonder? 

Redheaded Woodpecker

I asked the farmer that question while we sat watching the sunset from our porch at the close of one glorious 20-binocular day. He grinned. We instantly remembered all the squawking, dirty sparrows of our former life. 

If this is bird karma, 

                payback for all the love I bestowed upon sparrows 

                             long ago, 

                              we'll take it!! 

Lilacs in background - Redheaded Woodpecker  

Redheaded Woodpecker